So in a day I will be in the car on the way back to Chapel
Hill, bags packed with Christmas gifts, an empty agenda, and a jumbo box of
Whole Grain Cheerios. I’m ready to go back, because I’ve had a very good break,
and I can’t wait to hug my friends again and set out on doing better this
semester.
See, these past three weeks have been awesome. I worked a
lot and made a good deal of money for my college fund. I got to hang out with
each of my favorite people—teachers included—sometimes multiple times. I had a
calm and enjoyable New Year, and a fantastic Christmas. The Scandal and
Supernatural mid-season finales were crazy, and the Sherlock series 3 premiere
(AT LONG FREAKING LAST!) was the most perfect reflection of a fandom that I have
ever seen on TV. I had long talks with good people, and plenty of time to watch
Grey’s Anatomy with a bowl of ice cream and my new favorite sweats. So I’m
prepared to go back.
But, I’m scared. I know that I have learned a lot from first
semester: what libraries are too easy to fall asleep in, when to stop eating
the brownies, how many hours it really
takes me to fill out a study guide while reading a chapter, etc. But at the
same time, I’m afraid that I will make equally stupid mistakes this time around,
and I just can’t afford to do that. Honestly, though, one of my resolutions
should be to ask for help more, because I tend to internalize things and assume
I’ll figure them out later. Oftentimes I do this, which helps me learn on my
own, but there were plenty of days when a Professor or Counselor could have
made quick work of a pressing problem, and I should have gone for help. I
should have. I will this time, and I am hoping that it makes a big difference.
Beyond the studying, I am hoping desperately that this
semester I will not experience the withdrawal I did in the first semester. Not
of substances, but of people. The intense missing
of everyone back home whom I couldn’t hold anymore would hit me at random:
before bed, in the middle of studying, out with friends . . .
I was feeling extremely homesick for the home I had found in
other people. The thing is, though, my friends at school were so tender when I
was feeling lost, as they often felt similarly, and I have built a home in
them, too. It’s funny how the understanding that you are not the only one whose
best friend is hours away, whose brother is applying to college, whose favorite
people haven’t been seen in months, brings people together. I have so much love
for the people at UNC that kept me from breaking down, and having
them to go back to will make everything so much better this time around.
And of course, I have missed the Wendy’s and the Krispy
Kreme. Very important.
Here’s to a better semester following a lovely winter break.
With love,
Laney
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